SQL as TM Query Language? No, thanks!

Quite a number of people store their topic maps in relational databases. This is all well and good, but when it comes to retrieving the content effectively, I do not think that SQL is a convenient and adequate query language. This opinionated, tongue-in-cheek rant tries to compile all arguments so far why an SQL model as suggested with TMRQL is good as implementation but not good for a TM query language.